It's Friday! And what does that mean?

It means Conservapedia can suck my balls! Hooray!

Perhaps you recall, or have just read, my last post (it was from the original site). In it, we discovered what Conservapedia thinks Liberalism is all about

So I think it's appropriate to look at what they think about their own political ideology. No doubt it will be as fair and unbiased as the liberal article

Here's how it starts

Conservative values recognize the adversarial nature of politics, and much in life. As a result of their ability to deal with adversity, conservative values are superb in defending against obesity, addiction, adversity, anxiety, fear, depression, narcissism, risky law-breaking activities like dangerous driving, self-destructive behavior, illiteracy, rejection, wastefulness, and serious mental disorders. Conservatives are happier than liberals, and one study gives a reason: conservatives do not insist upon a mindless equality.

Conservative values also spontaneously generate puppies and cure erectile dysfunction! So lets get this straight. I can only assume that there are no fat Republicans, and Rush Limbaugh was never addicted to Oxycontin. How does being conservative protect you from being bipolar or schizophrenic? How does laissez-faire economics keep you from driving dangerously? How does believing that Gays shouldn't marry reduce anxiety? And fear? Really? You mean to tell me there is no fear or terrorists, gays, or immigrants involved in Conservatism? Cause conservatives sure love to pander to fear

Conservative values are also helpful in recognizing and combating deceit. A conservative understands the many incentives by others to engage in deceit, and the political power that can result from such deceit. A conservative is often not surprised by the deception that fools others.

They make it sound like deceit is unique to the left. Deception like, oh, covering up a hotel break-in

Anyways, here are some of the values of the conservative movement

• a never-ending quest for the truth, despite obstacles based on emotion and personal experience, and spreading such truths for the benefit of all

Unless that truth involves little things like global warming or evolution. Science in general really

• a devotion to the principle of justice

As long as it isn't Social Justice. Because all you need to add is -ism, and you've got Socialism

• recognizing the media for its bias, bullying, deception.

Excluding Fox News, of course

• rejecting the deification of government officials

Unless it's Reagan

• giving those in authority due respect, but not to the point of accepting orders or assertions that are contrary to logic or morality

Unless it's Reagan

• not complaining, and instead taking practical action to improve one's situation

Someone should tell that to the Republicans in Congress

• emphasizing humility and open-mindedness instead of arrogant certainty about one's own views

Too easy, not gonna touch it

• understanding that a rising tide lifts all boats, e.g. tax cuts benefit all.

A rising tide doesn't help you if you're fucking drowning



Well, that's it for now